When my brother Mark decided to change our traditional family reunion into a small family BBQ, you would have thought he had decided to chop off someone’s head. The outcry was loud and clear: “No change allowed!” Originally back in 1995, after my father died of lung cancer, Mark graciously invited all of our family and extended family to a reunion at his home in Vermont. Including four generations of family and family friends in total, the participants ranged in age from 6 to 96. Sadly, many of the people at that original celebration are no longer alive and many have moved across the country. My mother, at 93, can also no longer travel and decided it was just too hard for her to join us.

Since my son has been working on location in Michigan and could only come for a short visit, we decided to make it a small get-together with just my immediate family and close cousins. Instead of an entire weekend, we changed our ritual to a Saturday evening traditional potluck BBQ and asked everyone to bring food to share. I always make tomato mozzarella salad, Mark gets fresh corn, Julie creates some special dish and the cousins bring drinks and homemade salads…so some traditions stayed the same.

After a rocky start and a lot of resistance, we finally settled down into our “new reunion format“. People jumped into the pool, walked in the woods, shared food and drink and just “chillaxed“. The talking and sharing went into the evening. Instead of a talking stick as traditional ceremonies used to share information, we captured the moments on our cell phone cameras.

Our weekend included creating two new rituals. Saturday morning started with the “Shayla and Barbara luncheon”. My 8 year old niece and I went shopping and out to lunch. The day after our event, my son Jourdan and I went to downtown Burlington and had the “Jourdan and Barbara luncheon” (it used to be pizza, but now it seems to have turned into sushi.) Since we live 3,000 miles away from each other,it is really just a chance for us to be with each other.

In order for rituals to be meaningful and grow, they must be flexible and express the changes of the members involved while still offering a sense of community and connectedness. Ours is a work in progress and I would love to hear about your rituals and how they have changed over time.

If you want to find out more about creating rituals, join me at The New York Open Center Tuesday through August 9th for the series “Rituals to Transform our Lives.”

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Last night I celebrated my close friend’s birthday. Eight friends took her on a fun music cruise complete with a Cuban Band. Normally we all get together to celebrate, but this year is different. She recently lost her father, and she has been working like crazy to finish a new film she shot in Europe. We thought she needed her girlfriends to help her celebrate and to know that she is not alone. Hey! It is summer and aren’t we supposed to have fun?

Speaking of important girlfriends, I just got an email from my friend Nancy at http://www.thespiritedwoman.com and she was talking about women and the importance of community.

Why do millions of women connect with a woman’s community? Nancy and I both agree that the top 5 reasons are:

1. Support
2. A place to share
3. Making connections
4. Friendship
5. Inspiration

According to Dianne Ruth, PhD, female friendships can be extremely powerful.
http://www.suite101.com/content/importance-of-female-friendships-a46964

“Friends eliminate isolation and loneliness. Having a friend is what keeps us sane, makes us laugh and allows us to be who we need to be. We empower each other and appreciate each other when no one else will. Sharing ourselves with another woman contributes to our emotional well being.”

The last few months I have been re-connecting with friends from high school and college. Most of the time it feels as if no time has passed (unless we look in the mirror- but all of us look fabulous anyway!)

The power of taking time just to nurture, connect and enhance the power of the Divine Feminine is why I run women’s groups and especially why I love to go up to Miriam’s Well http://miriamswell.com for my annual Spa for the Soul Women’s Retreat with a group of amazing women. It’s all about releasing the stress of your everyday life, connecting deeply with your girlfriends new and old, being authentic, learning, sharing and getting a little bit wild too! I hope you join me this August and nourish your soul!

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Congratulations to all the same-sex couples who can now legally marry in NY! Read the article on Governor Cuomo at the NY Gay PRIDE parade HERE.

There is a spiritual saying that states, “From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their union.”

When a couple comes to me to be married, I feel honored to be the midwife for their sacred passage. I believe that the marriage ceremony should be a transformative ritual that is a reflection of the individual love story of each couple.

As a society we have entered into a new era of defining relationships. As an Interfaith Minister, I am finding that more and more couples are seeking new ways to make not only their vows, but the whole marriage ritual more relevant to their circumstances and expectations. In my practice I encourage couples to actively participate in the design of their ceremony by including language and symbols that are personally meaningful to both partners, thereby creating a deeper dimension of sacredness. In this way we can weave traditional forms with new traditions.

Here are some tips to make sure your ceremony is unforgettable…

Vows

Take the time to write vows from your heart. The length is less important than the intention. Forget about memorizing them. Write them down and give yourself the option of reading them at the ceremony. And you can keep them to read on your anniversary.

Did you know?
Something old: represents the ancestors
Something new: represents the new union you are creating
Something borrowed: comes from an ancient fertility ritual where the bride would borrow something from the most fertile woman in her village to ensure she had many children- today this can also symbolize fertility of ideas and creative expression.
Something Blue: represents the Feminine Face of God

Read the full article HERE

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Each month I stop and celebrate the New Moon. I know that many people do not really understand the importance of this ritual so I thought I would share why it is important to me.

For centuries women met together on the New Moon. It has been said that God gave the new moon as a holiday to women because they refused to participate in the making of the golden calf. It was an affirmation of their faith in God and a time to be rejuvenated.

I look at this time as a sacred pause in my busy life. For one evening a month we come together to celebrate our lives, share our stories and set intention for the coming month. Sometimes we need healing and support, other times it is about laughter and celebration. Women of all ages share their deepest heart-stories and open up to the sweet nurturing of the group.

In past months, one woman needed support as she went through cancer, another showed pictures of her new grandchild while another told us about her upcoming wedding. Our extended family offers what traditional communities once offered: a place where the elders share wisdom with the young: a place where the young teach the elders: a place to remember who you are.

Ritual is a step by step path to consciousness. As I particiate in the sacred circle I feel a part of something larger and my vessel is filled with mana.

If this ritual speaks to your heart at all, join us tomorrow night, June 1st, in NYC at 7:30pm, for the Women’s New Moon in Gemini. To find out more info or reserve your spot visit www.joyofritual.com/workshops.

With blessings,
Barbara

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After spending the morning at Constant Contact’s Get Down to Business conference on social media, I find myself trying to make sense of all the information. I was especially impressed by the fact that if Facebook were a country, it would be the third largest in the world…think about that without having your mind boggle. And, there are over 15 million mom bloggers. When do they find the time?

One person said you should blog twice a month, another twice a week, one thinks Facebook will replace websites and the other says websites are your calling card. And all agree that video is key.

Basically it was a great experience and I realize that I know a heck of a lot more than I thought. That doesn’t mean I can implement it all, but at least I don’t feel like a stranger in a strange land. Even my son is impressed by my “tech savvy”.

But it still comes down to relationships. When I teach in corporate America I always stress that the main key to success is the relationships you build. After all we are all striving to connect-whether it be on line or in person. The trick is building solid relationships without the non-verbal cues that actually carry relational messages. Research has shown that visual and vocal messages are responsible for over 90% of your impact. Our brains respond much better to symbols than to words.  I am curious to see how other people actually build strong relationships without meeting in person or at least talking on the phone.

As Maya Angelou said, ” people will not remember what you do, people will not remember what you say, but people will always remember how you make them feel.”

What do you do on line to make people feel good and to really connect?

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Wednesday night I found myself sitting in the audience of The Normal Heart-a unforgettable look at the beginning of the Aid’s crisis in NYC. Written by Larry Kramer and co-directed by George W Wolfe and Joel Grey, the extraordinary cast includes Joe Mantello, John Benjamin Hickey and Ellen Barken.

Having done the blessing for the production the week before, I already felt a deep connection to the play and its cast. A Ritual Blessing is  a quality of consciousness -a reminder to pay attention to what has heart and meaning. Since we had done the theatre clearing and blessing on the second day of Passover, I had decided to bring in the energy that is behind the 4 glasses of wine used in the Passover Seder.

After first lighting some sage to purify the space, we did the following blessing:

#1: We acknowledged everyone and everything that brought this production to the theatre.

#2  We asked that we be able to find a different way to live without negativity and fear.

#3 We dedicated the production to all who need our help and who are marginalized by society.

#4  We offered the play as a cup of hope for the world.

Each person  set intention for the play to educate, entertain and spread the word about this plague that has killed over 35 million people.

As I looked around the audience on opening night I saw many well known actors ( Vanessa Redgrave, Julian Margules, Kelly Ripa, Sara Jessica Parker, Mathew Broderick, Nathan Lane, Rosie Perez to name a few) producers and “regular folks” all sharing one of the most powerful performances I have ever experienced.  I felt blessed to be a part of such a moment.

As of today there is still no cure for Aids.

The Normal Heart is playing at The Golden Theatre- 252 West 45th Street. For a special discount go to Broadwayoffers.com and use code NHDRP316 or call 212 947 8844.

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By now most of you have heard the story about my multiple accidents. First I fell down 2 stairs on the way to a breakfast meeting, then, while sitting in a restaurant with my friend Joanne, a 5 pound bag of coffee literally flew off the shelf and wacked me on the back. And to add insult to injury- no pun intended- after a fabulous dinner with my friend Elynor, I slipped and fell over her photography lights in her studio.

Ok, I get it! The forces of chaos are out and I seem to be a target. This is not about being a victim, rather it is about learning to contain my energy and not take on the chaos around me.

My friend Judith Orloff, author of Emotional Freedom, talks about emotional vampires who suck your energy. I know that sometimes I do take on the energy of the group around me and need to be more conscious of protecting myself.

Luckily for me, I have an amazing healer in my life (actually have many) who came over and worked on me. Tori Quisling is the real thing: she is a clairvoyant and healer (www.clairvoyantmeditation.com). Within an hour, I was back to normal ( if there is anything that is “normal”)

The lesson for me is to take time to ground and center every day, create a circle of protection around my energy field and watch for flying objects.

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Welcome to my very first blog! I am thrilled to be able to share The Joy of Ritual teachings and my personal musings with you on my newly formatted website. I wanted to share my own Spring Ritual of new beginnings with you. Even though there is still frost on the ground, I love seeing the new buds on the trees and the feeling of possibilities that they open in me.

This morning I lit a candle and took the hardboiled egg that I blessed at our Spring Equinox Celebration and ate it. I always do an egg divination during the ritual where we decorate eggs with 4 qualities that we want to embody during the season. The idea is that the egg is a spirit helper and will guide us on our personal journey. Then we roll the egg to see which quality is the most important for us in order to manifest our wishes.

No surprise here: mine was PLAY!!! Even though I tell everyone to take time for simple play and fun, I tend to forget this advice when it comes to myself. I guess it is really true that we teach best what we need to learn.

I know that when I actually leave work behind and focus on enjoyment, my brain gets more creative and I usually am inspired and energized. In fact, neuroscience tells us that when we are happy the brain releases dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin—all feel-good, “natural drugs.” These have the effect of making us more open to collaboration and new ideas.

In this spirit, I called my friend Joanne and we spent the day together. We actually went out for lunch and had a great visit. Joanne is one of my friends from high school and both of us remember the time when we were focused on just having fun and experiencing life. In fact, she always reminds me that one day I actually jumped on a horse and rode bareback in a bikini! I am not sure this actually happened, but she is convinced it is true! Even if it wasn’t true, I did embody that energy and sense of adventure.

So, my new focus is on making sure I have time without my iPhone, iPad, computer and phone. I vow to leave them home, play more, be spontaneous, and enjoy life to the fullest.

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